Feedback on Master's CGA motivation letter
Benzouz24
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Benzouz24 -
Benzouz24 -
Hello everyone,
I would like to gather some feedback before submitting my application for a Master's in Management Control and Audit in a work-study program. Here is my cover letter:
Dear Director,
Currently in a Professional Bachelor's degree in Management Control at the University Institute of Technology in Mulhouse, I wish to continue my education in this field. Therefore, I am seeking your admission to the Master's program in Management Control and Audit in a work-study format.
In this regard, it is clear that joining this program will undoubtedly allow me to deepen the knowledge already acquired during my previous training and work experiences, as well as to develop new skills that will supplement the previous ones. Furthermore, I am particularly interested in the various subjects offered, given my innate curiosity for novelty and my desire to learn, alongside my aspiration to become a professional in the management field.
The knowledge gained during my Professional Bachelor's degree in Management Control and the interpersonal skills, which I believe are as important as technical skills, acquired through immersion in a professional context are undeniable assets. In addition, my professional experience has allowed me to gain a concrete vision of the methods, techniques, concepts, and knowledge and to apply them within an organization. I would also like to highlight the opportunity and advantages of a work-study program, which allows for personal growth during training and in the learning and practice of a profession related to management control or auditing, but also enables me to foresee a professional future within the organization welcoming me for this Master's program.
Thus, this program would significantly complement and consolidate my education in order to achieve my professional goal of becoming a high-performing professional in Management Control and Audit.
I remain at your complete disposal for any further information and thank you for the attention you will give to my application. Please accept, dear Director, the expression of my distinguished greetings.
I would like to gather some feedback before submitting my application for a Master's in Management Control and Audit in a work-study program. Here is my cover letter:
Dear Director,
Currently in a Professional Bachelor's degree in Management Control at the University Institute of Technology in Mulhouse, I wish to continue my education in this field. Therefore, I am seeking your admission to the Master's program in Management Control and Audit in a work-study format.
In this regard, it is clear that joining this program will undoubtedly allow me to deepen the knowledge already acquired during my previous training and work experiences, as well as to develop new skills that will supplement the previous ones. Furthermore, I am particularly interested in the various subjects offered, given my innate curiosity for novelty and my desire to learn, alongside my aspiration to become a professional in the management field.
The knowledge gained during my Professional Bachelor's degree in Management Control and the interpersonal skills, which I believe are as important as technical skills, acquired through immersion in a professional context are undeniable assets. In addition, my professional experience has allowed me to gain a concrete vision of the methods, techniques, concepts, and knowledge and to apply them within an organization. I would also like to highlight the opportunity and advantages of a work-study program, which allows for personal growth during training and in the learning and practice of a profession related to management control or auditing, but also enables me to foresee a professional future within the organization welcoming me for this Master's program.
Thus, this program would significantly complement and consolidate my education in order to achieve my professional goal of becoming a high-performing professional in Management Control and Audit.
I remain at your complete disposal for any further information and thank you for the attention you will give to my application. Please accept, dear Director, the expression of my distinguished greetings.
2 réponses
"my admission to the Master's degree in Management Control." A mistake
"In this regard, it is clear that joining this program will allow me" The "in this regard" is too abrupt here, to be replaced.
"On the other hand, the various subjects offered particularly interest me given, in addition to my innate curiosity for novelty and my desire to learn, my aspiration to become a professional in the field of management."
Doesn't mean much. Construction to be revised.
"The knowledge gained during my Bachelor's degree in Management Control and the soft skills, which I believe are just as important as hard skills, acquired through immersion in the professional context are undeniable assets."
break up this sentence a bit, it's quite "heavy" to read.
"Thus, this program would significantly complement and strengthen my training in order to fulfill my professional project of becoming a high-performing professional in Management Control and Audit." Doesn't mean anything
In short, the structure is good but you need to focus on the construction of certain sentences to make them more concise and understandable.
"In this regard, it is clear that joining this program will allow me" The "in this regard" is too abrupt here, to be replaced.
"On the other hand, the various subjects offered particularly interest me given, in addition to my innate curiosity for novelty and my desire to learn, my aspiration to become a professional in the field of management."
Doesn't mean much. Construction to be revised.
"The knowledge gained during my Bachelor's degree in Management Control and the soft skills, which I believe are just as important as hard skills, acquired through immersion in the professional context are undeniable assets."
break up this sentence a bit, it's quite "heavy" to read.
"Thus, this program would significantly complement and strengthen my training in order to fulfill my professional project of becoming a high-performing professional in Management Control and Audit." Doesn't mean anything
In short, the structure is good but you need to focus on the construction of certain sentences to make them more concise and understandable.